Meet Larry Palmer, the, as he states, 116 year old teacher (ish) has been teaching “twice as long as his students have been alive,” and says that if he wasn’t a teacher, he would probably be living in his parents’ basement due to his lack of skills.

Q. What was your funniest moment teaching?
A. “It wasn’t funny at the time, but my first year of teaching I had a phone in the back of my room, and it rang twice when I was teaching, and by the time I got back there it stopped ringing, so it rang a third time, so I went back there, and to make the class laugh, I took the phone off the receiver and just dropped it in the garbage can. Then five minutes later, the principal of the school walked into my room wondering why I haven’t returned his call, then looked over and saw the phone in the garbage can. Looking back on it, it’s funny.”

Q. What were you like in high school?
A. “Complex. I was actually shy, but I liked to act out in class to make people laugh. So I probably didn’t seem like I was shy then. I also had a holy trinity of three things I cared about: One was athletics, the second was reading books, and the third one was girls, most of whom I was highly unsuccessful with.”

Q. What would you tell your high school self now?
A. “Not to worry so much about the social mores and rules. I think high school kids worry a lot about how you’re supposed to act in particular situations, and they care too much about what other people think. One of the liberating things about getting older is you don’t care so much about public opinion. It gives you a lot more freedom and happiness.”

Q. If you could go back and time and change one thing what would it be?
A. “Well, this is a typical answer, but I’d probably go back and find Hitler before he came into power and push him in front of a train.”

Q. Why teaching?
A. “When I was young I loved sports and reading, so this has allowed me to do something where I can still stay close to those two things: teaching English and coaching. So that’s what guided me towards teaching.”

Q. Who is your celebrity crush?
A. “I don’t have any. I HATE celebrity worship. I don’t understand why societies have to create an artificial group of people that they admire and worship from afar. In England they have their royalty, who have no power, and over here we have our celebrities, and I have never understood it. I have a switch in my brain that goes off any time there is ever any celebrities; I try and ignore them.”

Q. What do you think you’d be like if you were a female?
A. “I’d have less body hair.”

Q. How do you like your toast?
A. “I say skip the toast and have an English muffin.”

Q. What do you do outside of teaching besides golf?”
A. “Well, the deal is, I am an introvert in an extrovert’s profession. I like not being around people all day long. I like to spend time all by myself. I like reading and watching college sports on TV. Unfortunately, I spend a lot of time mowing my yard, which is pathetic, I’m like a medieval serf. Instead of walking behind an ox with a plow, I’m walking behind a Honda lawn mower.”